Welcome to Elevate with Elsner. Join us for inspiring conversations with individuals who have transformed their lives and are making a difference through the work that they do. And now here's your host, Blake Elsner.

Hey everyone. Welcome to another episode of Elevate with Elsner. where we unlock your passion and elevate your impact. As you can see today, sitting here by myself, we're going to go on a little solo adventure and kind of catch up and talk about what I've gone through, um, what my family's gone through. Um, we've had some interesting and trying times with, um, having a second child. So that's going to be in an episode in itself. I'm going to get my wife on here and we're going to, we're going to jam about IVF. Some people don't know what it is. Some people do. In the scheme of things, it's a lot of science that's involved in creating a child for certain instances where you're not able to have one in a certain dynamic. And so this allowed us to have our second child. So during that process, I started drinking extremely heavily. Uh, we had to, you know, give my wife shots every single night. Um, about eight o'clock would come around and, and every single time I thought to myself, when I put this needle into her, I felt like I was inflicting pain on her. And let me tell you, that is one of the, most challenging things to do on a daily basis is to watch somebody be in pain and take this shot to create a life to better your family. And when I would give her these shots, I would numb myself knowing that, Hey, we're going to be okay. I can't feel it. Hopefully she can't feel it. At least I can't feel her pain. And it was all just completely fucked up. I mean, from, from how I was in, how I stepped out, uh, one foot in one foot out, she carried a very extreme load for, about a year and a half, um, as we progressed and went through one battle after another. Um, and this is all, you know, after losing multiple children, multiple, I shouldn't say children, multiple babies or miscarriages, however you want to call it. Um, but it's not easy and it, it, it weighs heavily and a lot of people deal with it on a daily basis. And unfortunately we don't really like to talk about it. Um, because it's hard and it's uncomfortable. But that's why we're going to talk about it. And when Cassidy comes on here and I bring her into this awesome studio here at RFC, shout out to, uh, RF Home Co cause it's awesome what they built here, this community and the people and everything that this place offers. Um, you, you can have fun, you can work and do a podcast, just about anything in here. Um, So when I bring Cassidy in here, we're going to kind of jam about the IVF process and kind of talk about how for a long time, she never really realized how much I was drinking in terms of numbing myself before she took the shot. Now, obviously she can't drink, so it's hard for her maybe to realize that, wait a minute, he's drinking by himself. And it just, it's not like we were drinking together. So it's a little different. I was more so hiding it in a way because I had to mentally prepare myself to give her a shot every night. And that's no excuse, but that was my exit strategy. That's how I put it in the back of my mind to where, okay, I can give her this shot with a very long needle every single night, knowing that when I put it into her, it hurts. It doesn't feel good. And bruises start to form. And every day you see it and the same spots on each side of her, but on each side of her cheek, they, they bruised up and they would bruise up quite, quite badly. So, seeing that and knowing that I caused that in a way just messed me up. And it took a while for me to kind of break out of that cycle. Finally, when I think maybe the last, you know, trimester of life before Charlotte came into this world, I, I think I finally woke up and realized that, Hey, you're going to have a second child now. And there's no more time to numb yourself. There's no more time to do any of this. You have to be all in or you're all out. There's no in between. Okay. So I realized that and I said, okay, I'm all in. And I said, what do I got to do? So I put my ass on a plane and I went down to new Orleans. My kid said, Hey buddy, you want to come to a workshop in St. Louis? I said, hell no, because I won't show up, but I'll go to the one in new Orleans. Cause I knew if I booked a flight, guess who has to show up me. So I showed up and those couple of days were some of the most life changing days of my entire life. Now, mind you, we just had our child second one, And I told Cassidy, Hey, I'm going to go down to new Orleans. I need to work on myself. And I think when she heard that she, she was all for it. And she said, all right, let's see what, let's see what it can bring after knowing what I put myself into, what I, the choices I was making and I needed some type of reflection and some type of in a way, an intervention in my own mind. So, flew down to New Orleans, truly incredible experience. The Interwealth Mastermind, I got to experience the workshop and it brought out so many things, so much stuff that I was holding back, that I couldn't talk about, that I just couldn't release. And finally, it felt like you know, this weight had just been lifted off my shoulders, even though we know Cassidy was having to carry the hard weight, the weight of the pain, the weight of all the losses, the weight of, hey, will our first child get a sibling or will they not? And that's kind of the struggle that we kind of went back and forth with in terms of How are we going to do this? And then you have to take in the side of the financial side. It's not, it's not cheap to bring life into this world. And I wouldn't change it for a second, but you also have to realistically think about these things. This is not monopoly money, right? So that took a lot of thinking. But, so I think when it really breaks down, um, I've had to change a lot. I've lost 80 pounds. My time management skills have excelled to a whole other level. I never realized how much I could accomplish in a short amount of time. But when you realize that life is short, you'll be able to get a lot of stuff done in a short amount of time because you want to leave that extra time that you have to play with your kids, to do things that you love, to go on walks with your wife, to go on walks with your family, to go to an arcade. Those are the things that bring me life. And so when I figured out my time management part, I crunched my stuff down and now I'm able to be more present as they would say in the life. So going forward, Cassidy and I have probably never been in a better spot in terms of our marriage, but during that IVF part, we, we went through some very trying times and, you know, we even tried to, you know, have fun. And there was a point where we were at where we were trying to go to a concert and We're it's eight 30 and we're in the Hollywood amphitheater, whatever it's called, um, out in the parking lot. And I'm back there and she's in the backseat and I'm giving her a shot for this IVF. And right before we go into this concert, and obviously I've been drinking, she can't drink. So I'm completely numb going into this concert, um, gave her a shot, you know, her, her butt hurts. It's, bruise, but here I am selfishly thinking about myself, um, because I wanted to go to that concert. I wanted to go to that country concert and whether she wanted to or not, it didn't matter because we were going to go because I was selfish. And that's something that I had to really work on, um, and gratitude. And there's so many things to be thankful for that I never, realized. And I took so many things for granted. And that's one thing as I've grown and changed, I've kind of lost a lot of people on my way. But that's kind of the fun part about growing. You realize when you go and seek out your supporters or seek out your enemies, you're going to find your supporters on the way. And the people that want to grow with you are going to grow with you. They're going to be side by side, right next to you, moving and grooving at the same speed as you. Because that's what leaders do. They lead together, shoulder by shoulder. So I think one of the hardest lessons I've learned is that not everyone wants to see you grow. And it's a tough pill to swallow, I think, because you start to lose contact with certain people. And they start to, you know, think things about you and you start to think things about them and it gets, it gets into your head and there's just a whole, um, disaster of reflection that happens. And, and it's kind of one of those things with change, you have to realize that that's going to occur. Um, because when you're, when you're out there working hard to change, to evolve, you're going to find supporters, um, But like I said, you're going to find your enemies. And more times than not, when you start to become your true self, your enemies will come out and they come out hard because they don't like to see you change. They don't want to see you better yourself. And there's a reason because it's like looking at a mirror that you don't want to look at. They're seeing a reflection of somebody that they don't want to be. And they don't want to be called out or to be associated with somebody that's on an upward climb, because I can tell you, I was at a very low, low place, nothing to do with currency. It was all my inner wealth, right in the center of my soul to my mind was all distorted. And I had to figure that out and nobody was there to help me. Nobody was there to pick me up, but I had to pick myself up. And that's what we have to do because we have to help ourselves before we can help anybody else. And that was my biggest issue. I was always helping other people before I helped myself. So how could I truly help somebody else if I can't help myself first? So I had to learn how to say no. Because all I did was people please. I said yes to everything. Yes, I can do that. Yes, I can get that done. Yeah, how about tomorrow? What happens is stack the plate way too high. And guess what? I disappoint numerous people because I cannot attend all those yeses. When I simply just say, Hey, no, I can't do that. But maybe another time. And they say, okay, that's all right. But see, that's not how my brain thought. I thought I had to say yes to everything. And let me tell you, that'll lead you into the ground faster than anything else, because it leads to drinking. It leads to partying. It leads to doing things that you will regret. And I'll say here firsthand, yeah, I'm young, 32 years old, but I'm also 32 years old, right? I mean, that's, I'm going to be the youngest I'll ever be right now. So every day I wake up, I say, hell yeah, my eyelids opened. I'm thankful for another day that I get to live, breathe, eat, sleep, do it all with my family. And that's kind of how I think on a daily basis. I, I rarely, um, try not to get frustrated anymore, but it's, you know, it's difficult. We're, we're human and we're not perfect people. That's one thing we have to realize. So going, going forward, just, you know, just know we're all battling something. Every single person is battling something, whether it's a, you know, a minor cut to a major surgery or a death in the family or some type of disease or something that we all have. Every single person has something that they could talk about. They could share stories and have other people help bring you up because you don't have to sit there in silence and struggle by yourself. There's numerous people out there that are struggling that want to struggle with you and help become unstruggled, right? And bring yourself to the top with them. There's people out there that that's what they want. You just have to seek them out. And those are your allies. Those are the people you're going to want to spend time around. So wrapping this up, here's what I've come to believe. When you change, you're going to make some people really uncomfortable because they feel like you're leaving them behind in a way. Instead of seeing your growth is like inspiration. They see it as like a threat, a threat to them, a threat to their own life. Like something is going to change. and create chaos in their own life. They don't want to put in the work themselves. And so your success feels like a reminder of what they're not doing. It's like, it's like you're moving forward and they feel left in the dust in a way. And that's not on you. That's on them. So you have to remember if you're putting in the work and people aren't coming with you, that's not you. That's them. You have nothing to worry about. You just keep your head down and you keep going because what matters most is showing up for yourself. That's what this journey is all about. And in the end, 95% of the battle is just showing up, showing up when it's tough, showing up when you don't feel like showing up, showing up when you feel like you're going at it alone, showing up when you're not even sure what the next step is. Because each time you show up, you get closer to that version of yourself you've been working for. And that's exactly what I've been doing. So if you're listening to this and you're going through a season shift or some type of a life change, just know that you're going to make it through, okay? And keep going, lean into the support of others, the ones that support you. And remember, the ones that distance themselves That says a lot more about them than it does about you. You keep showing up, you keep putting in the work because you're worth it, and so is the life you're building. One love.

Blake Elsner

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